‘Ok Mr Producer here goes the script. Birmchester City get relegated despite buying loads of players and fancy dans on huge wages but, get this, they don't sack the manager. We'll get rid of some stewards instead, tragic pigeon disease or something like that. Then at the start of the new season we'll have this big ground controversy but only half as many season ticket holders because we keep the prices at the old level. Ironic eh? Then we'll appoint the quietest and least liked player as captain and have our brand new striker sent off in the first few minutes of his debut. After that we will have three more sent off despite doing well in the league. We'll play Sunderland, the next week they get a new manager, we'll play QPR, the next week they get a new manager, we'll play Leeds, new manager, you get the idea. On top of that our nearest rivals get rich new owners and storm up the table playing football and a guy who keeps swearing wins Big Brother. What do you think?'
‘I think it's far fetched. Let's go back to the ‘all dying in a coach explosion' story'.
You can imagine the ‘keep it tight' at the back speech (motto for life there!) from Bruce before the Dirty Leeds game. Surely the BCFC staff knew that the main danger would come from the mercurial Healy.
We started bright with McSheffchenko hitting the woodwork from quite far out. He does look a decent player. Just as we were all complimenting ourselves on such a promising start DJ gives away a cheap free kick and little Healy lashes the ball into the net. Cue the pikey Kes look-alikes storming the away end to celebrate their surprising lead. I was surprised they could all run that far given how empty the ground was. Leeds have certainly suffered in recent years and demonstrate how far a club can fall attendance wise when dropping down the leagues.
Blues equalised. I cannot add much more than that. There was a shot. A pause. The ball appeared to go round the back of the net, then there was a groan and the players made their way back to the centre circle. Eventually we celebrated and helped the locals out with the score by holding one finger up on each hand.
Right, now keep it tight at the back. Cue the Horse stumbling into the box and the Painter trotting alongside before unseating the rider. Penalty, four faults and two one down.
The game was open and end to end, just the kind of entertainment we have been asking for and there was only going to be one winner. Time for the pantomime villain to enter stage left. Only DJ himself can explain what made him launch into Westlake and get red carded. There wasn't an incident beforehand to spur the stupidity and all the mutterings of the previous week re discipline were clearly wasted on the cerebrally challenged skipper. Was making DJ captain akin to taking unruly schoolkids to Africa on safari?
Bendtner then stormed up the right wing, turned the whole stand inside out and drilled home a deserved equaliser. Oh well given the numerical deficiency we can take a draw back down the M1.
It was a little soon to celebrate the use of another ‘Get out of Jail Free' card. A harmless cross found Tebily and he doesn't miss those chances when in his own box. They felt they earned the win whereas we felt violated.
The Leicester Foxes stroll into our wonderful city and will no doubt be impressed by the empty spaces created by £29 tickets thanks to the compliment of them being declared an ‘A' category match.
The pricing situation is now a ‘no-win'. The club cannot go back and instead revert to various promotional offers to entice the stay away brigade. At Leeds I met two guys with whom I went to Stavanger, Norway on a pre-season tour a year ago and despite being prepared to go to Scandinavia to follow our team none of us now has season tickets purely due to cost. The board need to understand that fans are now picking and choosing which fixtures to attend. It is noble to encourage the youths with special offers but these are not the people who buy programmes, pies, beer, etc.
The attendances have slipped below twenty thousand and unfortunately it will be a good six months at least before we start getting full houses again.
Keep right on. And did those feet in ancient times, walk upon England's pastures green …