Here is a mathematics problem for you to think about.
What is the next number in the following sequence?
0, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 0, 1, ?
You might look at the harmless collection of seemingly random binary numbers and fail to see anything. You might not see the message that has emerged since January 1st.
Who would have thought that Birmingham City could be part of a global conspiracy on a scale more cunning than anything that Dan Brown can imagine?
So the Illuminati do exist and are alive, kicking and residing in the intellectual hotbed of Small Heath. The Knights Templar have scoured the globe in search of the Holy Grail, followed indicators from the Mona Lisa to the Sistine Chapel, from Galileo to Sir Isaac Newton and now the latest clues to the domination of our planet are emanating from our very own Blues.
Do you look at Steve Bruce and picture him poring over Fibonacci Numbers in a crusade to untangle the Golden String?
No? Me neither.
But what does it all mean I hear you ask (yes get on with it! - ed)?
Were the Illuminati really clever or were they merely receptacles for messages and knowledge from another dimension? Quite simply are beings from another planet toying with us like disposable play things? Strange things have been happening and the conspiracy has slowly revealed itself.
Until the end of December our two brave young knights, Sir Bendy and Sir McSheffrey, were scoring goals left, right and even down the centre. At the same time housewives everywhere were adorning their homes with garish flashing lights. Some of them in Kingstanding had done so since October. We were tricked into thinking they were simply part of some Christian festival but no. They were landing lights for alien crafts, beacons to guide them to our planet. These beings have studied us from afar and dripfed their secrets through the Illuminati for what? For their own entertainment that's what! And in return over the years they have taken key people for their experiments.
If you were a creature coming to earth from faraway would you beam up a sloping forehead inbred redneck from the Appalachian Mountains who was strolling down a deserted country lane on his way to a romantic tryst with his sister?
Or would you take someone who could entertain you? Clearly Shane Ward and Jade Goody were busy and so they went for the next best thing, our two golden heroes.
So they kidnapped the original Bendtner and McSheffrey and, cunningly, immediately replaced them, so we didn't notice, with two shit replicas. And that's why they can't play any more. They are aliens. They eat rodents. Alive.
To disguise the inferior replicants complete lack of ability the superior beings also used their immense power to shift the monsoons from the Indian Ocean to the Midlands which completely buggered the playing surface meaning that everyone was at the same skill level. And they fixed Dancing on Ice too!
Still not convinced?
David E Sullivan = I luv valid aliens. Fancy Sully's middle name being Eric!
More proof? Ok who else has been shit since Christmas? Martin O'Neill anyone? And Martin is only one letter away from being 'Martian'.
Where do these creatures meet? Simple, I'll give you two words, 'wooden' and 'shed'.
I rest my case. They are among us. Watching us. Hopefully they have paid their £29 to get in rather than metamorphed through the turnstiles or whatever it is they do.
Want to know the next number in the sequence? On Friday night all will be revealed.
Keep right on. SkyDaz might be back next week. If they return him.