SkyDaz Banter: Pre-Man City

As part of the introduction to Sky’s Fanzone at the start of every match the two opposing fans are asked to name their favourite all time players and their most memorable moment. This scrolls across the screen until the viewing public have had chance to either start emailing or warm up their text thumbs.

I launched my Fanzone career with gravitas brought on by ambitions of a soaring media career with balmy nights covering exotic games and mornings of waking up with a hangover in equally exotic lapdancing bars being photographed by the whispering paparazzi. The hangovers have been plentiful but the exotic strangely non-existent.

For my first game I named Trevor Francis as my hero and the victory in the Leyland Daf Cup as my most memorable moment. My unexpected return to the Fanzone booth saw the discarding of all things serious and the revelation of immaturity coupled with the humour of a Chuckle Brother. The public adoration and free drinks had failed to materialise and the much vaunted showbiz lifestyle remained a distant curse. My heroes became the players we generally laughed at, the players who failed in the blue shirts, the ones who our rival fans remind us of when we mention Ivo Stas, Bosko Balaban, Ian Ormondroyd, I could go on but you can add your own to the list. My heroes became Richie Moran, Carl Richards, Trevor Aylott, Mike Newell, Ivor Linton and Ricky Otto, again I could go on. Enckleman and Crouch have been recent darlings of the favourite player scroll. My age has dropped from the true birth certificate years of 30 something to my early twenties. In one game I started at 35, dropped to 23 at half time but ended up in my fifties by the end of the game. Friends have raced to their computers and, once their children have shown them how to turn it on, emailed to complain about my economy with the truth.

For my England commentary debut my favourite international players of all time were Phil Neville, Geoff Thomas (get well soon) and Carlton Palmer. How the world would have quaked if we had lined up with those boys in the centre of the park? Against Turkey recently I named my most memorable England moment as the times we banged eight past the Turks without reply. Turkey has since been crossed off the list of holiday destinations.

So remember when you watch the next Blues match live on Sky (Chelsea in January) that I’m not there to commentate. I’m there to ridicule the Chelsea fan and in light of their current form I’m going to have to be at my most irrelevant best. Whatever the score, whatever the performance, I’ll give as good as I get. Don’t turn over though, you might just miss the one time I’m entertaining!

Article reproduced with kind permission of the BCFC official matchday programme.